|
Post by mpg1 on Feb 13, 2007 8:06:53 GMT 12
[Y/N] ?
|
|
Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
|
Post by Dalbyj on Feb 13, 2007 9:07:14 GMT 12
You need some help with a relationship Mpg1?
|
|
|
Post by mpg1 on Feb 13, 2007 10:30:34 GMT 12
LOL. The last time I asked for advice from posters, it got way too personal and I might think twice about doing so again. However, if you or others are willing to offer advice, and someone is equally in need of such, I just thought it could make an interesting topic.
I'll kick start it with this question:
If your partner agreed to a date with their ex, who doesn't know about you, would you have any problems with that?
|
|
|
Post by tormore on Feb 13, 2007 11:33:24 GMT 12
Yep, they wouldn't be my partner.....
|
|
Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
|
Post by Dalbyj on Feb 13, 2007 11:39:34 GMT 12
Not if I could go on the date too ... Seriously though, I feel that communication is key in any relationship ... if my husband were to agree to a date with his ex and not tell me about it I would feel very hurt and have a huge problem with that. Having said that, I know for a fact he wouldn't see his ex again cos he thinks she's a bit of a fruitloop lol ;D
|
|
|
Post by mpg1 on Feb 13, 2007 12:18:44 GMT 12
So, it would not be considered appropriate for your partner to retain a freindship with an ex, such that they can go to dinner? Personally I don't find much problem with that, although I would choke on why the ex doesn't know about the new partner. I mean, what possible reasons could there be for not telling the ex that would justify putting those reasons above the risks of upsetting the current partner? Are there any?
|
|
Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
|
Post by Dalbyj on Feb 13, 2007 14:20:14 GMT 12
So, it would not be considered appropriate for your partner to retain a freindship with an ex, such that they can go to dinner? Personally I don't find much problem with that, I would consider it reasonably appropriate, I have remained friends with my ex, and we chat sometimes on MSN. We're in different cities so the dinner thing doesn't happen but in our situation, if it did happen, it would probably be with our respective partners.
|
|
Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
|
Post by Dalbyj on Feb 13, 2007 14:28:59 GMT 12
I mean, what possible reasons could there be for not telling the ex that would justify putting those reasons above the risks of upsetting the current partner? Are there any? Perhaps the ex is a homicidal stalker who, if they found out about the new partner, would torture and dismember said new partner in rather horrible ways ... ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by OasisNZ on Feb 13, 2007 15:01:45 GMT 12
LOL. The last time I asked for advice from posters, it got way too personal and I might think twice about doing so again. However, if you or others are willing to offer advice, and someone is equally in need of such, I just thought it could make an interesting topic. I'll kick start it with this question: If your partner agreed to a date with their ex, who doesn't know about you, would you have any problems with that? Yes I would. In fact I get just a little peeved off when a certain ex has the cheek to keep asking. Once more and I'll make sure he has got the message, just in case someone hasn't made it clear enough yet...
|
|
|
Post by tormore on Feb 13, 2007 17:29:50 GMT 12
So, it would not be considered appropriate for your partner to retain a freindship with an ex, such that they can go to dinner? Personally I don't find much problem with that, although I would choke on why the ex doesn't know about the new partner. I mean, what possible reasons could there be for not telling the ex that would justify putting those reasons above the risks of upsetting the current partner? Are there any? Hmm, sorry in my world a "date" is different from friendship and dinner.
|
|
|
Post by mpg1 on Feb 13, 2007 19:59:40 GMT 12
And if you didn't know whether the ex could make such a distinction, would you have any trouble with it or simply trust your partner?
|
|
|
Post by tormore on Feb 14, 2007 6:12:57 GMT 12
And if you didn't know whether the ex could make such a distinction, would you have any trouble with it or simply trust your partner? Trust is all empowering.
|
|
Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
|
Post by Dalbyj on Feb 14, 2007 6:49:43 GMT 12
And if you didn't know whether the ex could make such a distinction, would you have any trouble with it or simply trust your partner? Trust is all empowering. Only when that trust is justified ...
|
|
|
Post by mpg1 on Feb 14, 2007 7:18:20 GMT 12
Is the evaluation of such so subjective and open to contamination by insecurities that it's borderline sadistic trying to justify ones trust? Obviously if there is a track record of untrustworthyness, one would have to question why they are even still in the frame, let alone beat themselves up trying to trust someone, imho. But without such record, how does one attempt to justify their trust in someone else? Furthermore, should they even bother doing so. Is there any merit to trusting every partner until given a solid reason not to?
|
|
|
Post by misilon1 on Feb 14, 2007 14:21:14 GMT 12
Ive relegated this to the too hard to do file.
|
|
Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
|
Post by Dalbyj on Feb 14, 2007 14:34:23 GMT 12
Hehe Misi I'm beginning to agree with you!
Trust comes after time and communication, I think. there may be such a thing as love at first sight but not trust at first sight. You can have one without the other, ie: I love my brother but wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him ... but a good solid relationship has a strong foundation of both love and trust.
My husband and I have been married more than 11 years now and I'd like to think that we have a very strong relationship - definitely strong enough to withstand dinner with an ex!
I just realised, his ex probably doesn't know about me ... mainly because they broke up when he was living in Wellington, he moved to Chch and met me, and apparently she moved to Aussie. So unless she has heard something through the grapevine, I guess she won't know about us! hehe
|
|
|
Post by misilon1 on Feb 14, 2007 17:15:25 GMT 12
I still have a lot to do with my ex, we’re good friends, However there is no me and him anymore, and not even likely to be..
A little while after our mutual understanding to separate,.. I found I was able to separate the cad from the substance of the man,
He is a good person, hard working, and a wonderful dad One would have to look hard to find the equivalent of the calibre of the man he is, in today‘s world,..and handsome to boot,.. My sons ex and two children live just around the corner from me, is a huge part of my household, she is like seven sons to me,
it will break my heart if ever she remarried, and,…. it is inevitable, such a good girl and a gorgeous stunner to look at,..
I need her and her sons as much as she needs us.
The story of the exe’s in my life,..
its how we live,
it’s the way we are,
it’s the way I am.
So much to be grateful for
|
|
|
Post by OasisNZ on Feb 14, 2007 22:02:28 GMT 12
I still have a lot to do with my ex, we’re good friends, but there is no me and him anymore, and not even likely to be..A little while after our mutual understanding to separate,.. I found I was able to separate the cad from the substance of the man, he is a good person, hard working, and a wonderful dad one would have to look hard to find the equivalent of the calibre of the man he is, in today‘s world,..and handsome to boot,.. My sons ex and two children live just around the corner from me, is a huge part of my household, she is like seven sons to me, it will break my heart if ever she remarried, and,…. it is inevitable, such a good girl and a gorgeous stunner to look at,.. I need her and her sons as much as she needs us right now. the story of the exe’s in my life,..its how we live, it’s the way we are, it’s the way I am. So much to be grateful for ***edited a little, don't mean to sound like a smarty pants*** Use the enter key misilon, you'll love it when you get used to it...
|
|
|
Post by mpg1 on Feb 14, 2007 22:11:52 GMT 12
Ring proboards and demand a new attention span() function be added immediately I managed to read it and was richer for doing so,excluding the fact that I was actually poorer given it took up an hour of time I couldn't bill someone for without feeling guilty about it *edited typo *
|
|
|
Post by misilon1 on Feb 14, 2007 22:17:23 GMT 12
haha!! there you are just lazy to be bothered, but but but ....
|
|