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Post by jadzie on May 21, 2007 15:38:34 GMT 12
Hi Everyone I need help? my boyfriend whose great and everything but never listens to me. if I said the sky was blue, he'd rather google it to find out just to prove me wrong and say otherwise. He thinks he knows everything about anything and that i'm slightly stupid so he needs to be the thinker for both of us. Its really frustrating I've survived 24 yrs on my own, and here he is thinking that if he doesn't spell things out for me, in extremely simple terms, I'm going to run screaming, without looking, into needle filled slippery streets with scissors in my hands!! can anyone give me advice or tips on how I can fix this without having to resort to physical violence? I tried talking to him so far, and he doesn't seem to think he's wrong, he said he just wants to do whats best for me.. PLEASE HELP !!
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Post by tismeagain on May 21, 2007 15:44:53 GMT 12
hmm hi jadzie, may i ask you how long you have been with this guy?
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Dalbyj
Chief of Staff
Hope Springs a Kernal
Posts: 2,378
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Post by Dalbyj on May 21, 2007 16:02:37 GMT 12
And can I ask if he is a similar age to you, or older or younger?
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Post by misilon1 on May 21, 2007 16:02:55 GMT 12
there is a section called Dear Mands where you may be able to get some really good advice ,...Id try to help you but I have an ex !!,...been there and done that ,..hahahahaha!!
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Post by jadzie on May 21, 2007 16:15:46 GMT 12
we've been together offically 7 months, but we've been best friends (you know the kind everyone keeps saying just DATE already gawd) for 3 yrs. and thankyou all for replying to me. I'll check out the dear Mands too!!! thanks so much!!
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Post by tismeagain on May 21, 2007 16:26:28 GMT 12
Sounds to me jadzie. that he wants to over power you on everything, sorry no advice here because as they say there is always 2 sided to evert story and we havent herd his, but you do what you think is right
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Post by OasisNZ on May 21, 2007 16:39:04 GMT 12
If you are both around the under thirties mark, it's probably just quite normal behaviour. Instinctively we blokes are just know-it-alls at that age. It's just how it works. The "protector" in us, you see? Physical violence will not help.
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Post by jadzie on May 21, 2007 17:19:38 GMT 12
ugh don't remind me about this " protector" mode, i don't understand what I need protecting from? I just want him to value my opinions and not act like the things are say are just meant for entertainment or that i'm just a blithering idiot!!! he even reminded me not to give out my bank account numbers to strangers the other day!!! honestly i'm nearly 25!!! its driving me crazy, when I tell him this he gets upset, that i'm offended by his help! but his help is belittling me and my intelligence. is there anyway for me sort this out in a quiet calm way??
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Post by luxuryflake on May 21, 2007 17:20:30 GMT 12
Hi there Jadz, I think that even though you have known this man for quite some time before having a romantic relationship with him, you may be finding out some things about him that you weren't aware of before, because your relationship has changed. All relationships have there ups and downs especially in the early stages after the 'Wow' period, and I'll think you'll work through it fine, cause you are one damn fine chickie babe. Of course I'm bias, and I probably haven't helped much! Hugs and best wishes.
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Post by jadzie on May 21, 2007 17:34:16 GMT 12
Luxyyyyyyyyy your calm wise words helped greatly!!!! doesn't make him any less of a know it all at times tho. you should have WARNED ME!!
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Post by luxuryflake on May 21, 2007 17:54:30 GMT 12
A couple of clips around the ear might settle him down! LOL...j/k ;D
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Post by misilon1 on May 22, 2007 19:20:33 GMT 12
He is defending the facts, she is defending the feelings
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Post by misilon1 on May 22, 2007 19:22:27 GMT 12
two good forgivers is what a marriage is made up of ,..any other arrangement is anyones guess,...hehe!!
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Post by jadzie on May 22, 2007 20:29:18 GMT 12
Misilon, you are spot on when you said that. about facts and feelings. I'm not saying my feelings aren't based on facts or otherwise, but according to him I'm wrong until proven otherwise. even about my own family. he'd rather not listen nor believe what I say unless, theres atleast 2 other witnesses plus a brief recording of the event in question before he would ever even entertain what I said as being true. I tried to talk to him about it again and its still to no avail, I don't know what to do anymore. Its really upsetting. what do I do?
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Post by misilon1 on May 22, 2007 20:45:07 GMT 12
jadzie ,..7 months?,.. cmon there is still a lot of getting to know each other in that relationship,. .work at it girl its the best part of the relationship till three yrs,.. when the frenzy slows down somewhat and the rose coloured glasses fall off,..*sigh*,.. then five yrs on you suddenly wanna know who the heck is this person you are living with ,...give it some slack girl ,..be a woman and enjoy what he has to offer for now ,..hehe!! ,...its all good ,...you dont have to let him know how intelligent you are till three or five yrs is up,...go on ,..ya know ya wanna ,...
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Post by misilon1 on May 23, 2007 20:12:50 GMT 12
just aquired me a a slave for all eternity today ,..a male ,..I went out to a country lunch place outside of town ,..and who should be there with his little bit on the side one of my clients husbands ,..hahaha!! he just luuurrrved seeing me,... gave him a handshake that he will feel in his bones for a time or two,..hehe!!,..and even said to me gosh I didnt expect to see you here ,......Ill say,.!!
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Post by tormore on May 23, 2007 20:22:04 GMT 12
Misilon, you are spot on when you said that. about facts and feelings. I'm not saying my feelings aren't based on facts or otherwise, but according to him I'm wrong until proven otherwise. even about my own family. he'd rather not listen nor believe what I say unless, theres atleast 2 other witnesses plus a brief recording of the event in question before he would ever even entertain what I said as being true. I tried to talk to him about it again and its still to no avail, I don't know what to do anymore. Its really upsetting. what do I do? He's a control freak, give him the flick.......
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Post by manuela on May 23, 2007 20:23:14 GMT 12
he he he.... misi... I've done that more than once (the hand shake bit)... oh makes you feel soooooooooooo good ;D
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Post by misilon1 on May 23, 2007 20:51:17 GMT 12
he he he.... misi... I've done that more than once (the hand shake bit)... oh makes you feel soooooooooooo good ;D it upset me quite a lot actually,. bet not as much as it did him,... it was good to come away a winner,....
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Post by therese on May 24, 2007 19:42:46 GMT 12
Hi there jadzie - I'm a bit of a newcomer but your problem is interesting. Are you really saying that he doesn't listen or that you don't know how to persuade him to listen?? And do YOU know how to listen?? I suggest you tell him that you would like to make a time to sit down and communicate with each other properly. Face each other in seperate chairs and have an object such as a book in your hands. You start the process. Have the book in your hands and tell him that you want him to stay silent whilst you make a point - slowly, not a torrent of words - small bits at a time and then ask him to repeat back what you have said to make sure he is listening. When you are satisfied that he has truly HEARD you pass the book to him and tell him that you will remain silent whilst he makes one point - and repeat back what he has said! Often you will find that one of you has not truly heard what the other said - too busy putting your own interpretation on it, or listening with half an ear - the other half formulating the reply before you've heard and felt the meaning of what has been said!! Try to set aside a time to do this regularly and seriously - if you are serious about solving it. Of course this is a far better exercise when done with the help of a qualified counsellor - if you love him and want the relationship to go on - I genuinely suggest seeing a Relationship counsellor - professional in helping people communicate effectively. That's all I wanted to say - hope it's not too heavy for what you wanted and that I haven'y over-estimated your concerns. Takes two you know - to tango and to mis-communicate!!
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