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Post by certegy on Dec 18, 2007 18:15:56 GMT 12
Hahahahahaha love it
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Post by certegy on Jan 29, 2008 10:08:05 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 3, 2008 0:23:19 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 3, 2008 0:29:20 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 3, 2008 0:33:03 GMT 12
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Post by OasisNZ on Feb 3, 2008 5:40:11 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 3, 2008 10:22:59 GMT 12
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! All very funny, the dogs in the stray bar, haha, naughty rabbits, blow up leg, racing snail, hahahaha, oh my, thanks Leigh! My pleasure sir - I love the picture of the seasme street characters sitting around a thanks giving dinner. Actually - I would like to acknowledge my fellow phone collector Mel (who will be giving away modern life to live in a tee-pee) for emailing the pics. More pics from Mel will be posted today. Leigh
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Post by certegy on Feb 14, 2008 23:24:44 GMT 12
YOU'RE THE MAN - Posted by Dalbyjoptimusnz.proboards83.com/index.cgi?board=relad&action=display&thread=1188463249&page=2I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you. I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry. 'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right". I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home. What I say goes around here! ... right out the window. And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up. The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear. 'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head. And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want. 'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important. And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry. I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around. And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble. And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch. Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to. Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!
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Post by certegy on Feb 19, 2008 23:27:18 GMT 12
Some content may offend viewers.
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Post by certegy on Feb 19, 2008 23:29:52 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 19, 2008 23:43:03 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 20, 2008 1:21:53 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 22, 2008 0:09:49 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Feb 27, 2008 16:32:30 GMT 12
Exercise
For my birthday this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club.
Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it.
I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model.
My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my progress:
Day 1.
Started the morning at 6:00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile.
She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points.
Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her.
This is going to be GREAT!
Day 2.
Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then, she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile.
Her smile made it all worth while.
Muscles ALL feel GREAT.
Day 3.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals.
Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen.
Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster.
Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators?
Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.
Day 4.
Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells.
Not a chance, Tanya. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine... It sank.
Day 5.
I hate Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it.
She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Tanya - I don't HAVE triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage. YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame.
The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?
Day 6.
Got Tanya's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.
Day 7.
Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over.
Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal....
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Post by certegy on Mar 12, 2008 6:52:37 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Mar 12, 2008 6:53:28 GMT 12
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Post by ivyplus on Mar 12, 2008 11:11:03 GMT 12
You are like me (there is a dark side and dark thoughts to me)!
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Post by certegy on Mar 12, 2008 12:18:27 GMT 12
You are like me (there is a dark side and dark thoughts to me)!
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Post by OasisNZ on Mar 12, 2008 17:14:45 GMT 12
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Post by certegy on Mar 12, 2008 17:59:34 GMT 12
You are like me (there is a dark side and dark thoughts to me)! Wooohooooo now all I have to do is steal your good looks then I'm going to schedule world domination next.....
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