|
Post by ivyplus on Mar 13, 2008 8:11:51 GMT 12
I guess everyone has a bit a dark side. And as you know I sometimes nurture it for my own fun. Dea told me yesterday: I can't take you anywhere! I didn't win lotto and told the lady at the counter that lotto sucks and that bonus bonds are much better!
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Mar 13, 2008 17:53:47 GMT 12
LOTTO (hahahaha) ba humbug I create my own luck and opportunities everyone deserves to treat themselves to something but lotto is not my thing - I prefer manufacturing P ;D
|
|
|
Post by ivyplus on Mar 14, 2008 9:12:17 GMT 12
Manufacutring P ;D I guess that could be a bit of a money spinner!
That reminds me. We had some car parks available for the shop at our entrance to the property. I marked these car parks with a few large Ps made from wood. Then I made a very large sign saying: More P at the shop!
Guess what. The sign was removed (stolen!) by someone.
When I made the signs I haven't even heard about P. That was a few years back.
|
|
|
Post by ivyplus on Mar 14, 2008 10:04:14 GMT 12
Something funny just happened:
I had to phone IRD and had to wait. The song played:
Baby I'm watching you - watching everything you do....
It is an appropriate song for IRD I guess!! ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Mar 14, 2008 23:42:19 GMT 12
Manufacutring P ;D I guess that could be a bit of a money spinner! That reminds me. We had some car parks available for the shop at our entrance to the property. I marked these car parks with a few large Ps made from wood. Then I made a very large sign saying: More P at the shop! Guess what. The sign was removed (stolen!) by someone. When I made the signs I haven't even heard about P. That was a few years back. More P available at the shop - classic thank you for making me smile.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Mar 14, 2008 23:43:56 GMT 12
Something funny just happened: I had to phone IRD and had to wait. The song played: Baby I'm watching you - watching everything you do.... It is an appropriate song for IRD I guess!! ;D ;D ;D and I just can't help the feeling, someone else is stealing all my revenue......
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Mar 29, 2008 17:37:27 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Apr 10, 2008 2:49:05 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Apr 12, 2008 12:21:03 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Apr 18, 2008 23:10:17 GMT 12
Bloke goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy behind the counter says,'Male or female?' Customer says, 'Female.' Counter Guy asks, 'Black or white? Customer says, 'White.' Counter Guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?' Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?' Counter Guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Apr 18, 2008 23:18:19 GMT 12
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary 8.00am Dog food! My favourite thing! 9.30am A car ride! My favourite thing! 9.40am A walk in the park! My favourite thing! 10.30am Patted! My favourite thing! 12.00am Lunch! My favourite thing! 1.00pm Played in the backyard! My favourite thing! 3.00pm Wagged my tail! My favourite thing! 5.00pm Bones! My favourite thing! 7.00pm Played fetch! My favourite thing! 8.00pm Watched TV with my master! My favourite thing! 11.00pm Slept on the bed! My favourite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary Day 683 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since clearly it demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ?good little hunter? I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the voices and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ?allergies?. I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow? I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Apr 20, 2008 13:03:58 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Apr 20, 2008 13:33:03 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 2, 2008 8:52:14 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 5, 2008 16:42:21 GMT 12
Here's an example of why men do not write advice columns...
Dear Dr Doer:
I hope you can help me. The other day I left for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car slowed to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make-up. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to convince me that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make-up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He lost his job six months ago and says he has be en feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Sheila Lusk
*******
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of problems with the engine. Start by making sure there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the clips holding the vacuum hoses onto the intake manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
Dr Doer
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 7, 2008 2:16:30 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 14, 2008 13:40:58 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 15, 2008 17:00:28 GMT 12
I stopped into a BP today I asked the attendant for $20.00 worth of gas, he farted then handed me a reciept.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 18, 2008 14:11:17 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on May 30, 2008 15:50:39 GMT 12
|
|