|
Post by ivyplus on Jun 27, 2008 18:47:25 GMT 12
Another way of saving petrol:
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jun 27, 2008 19:07:50 GMT 12
Another way of saving petrol: Uuuuum I use to own this little yellow FA Suzuki 50 and did the same thing with my sisters - it looked hilarious - once we were going to a friends house and the police stopped us and made the other three passengers walk ;D (yes there were four - at the time tiny girls on my motorbike)
|
|
|
Post by ivyplus on Jun 27, 2008 19:41:27 GMT 12
Another way of saving petrol: Uuuuum I use to own this little yellow FA Suzuki 50 and did the same thing with my sisters - it looked hilarious - once we were going to a friends house and the police stopped us and made the other three passengers walk ;D (yes there were four - at the time tiny girls on my motorbike) That sounds like fun. Memories come up! My daughter had once a 50ccm too and broke her leg when she was skidding around our paddock.
|
|
|
Post by OasisNZ on Jun 27, 2008 20:55:29 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jun 27, 2008 22:59:30 GMT 12
I remember visiting the bike shop with my dad and he wanted to buy me a 250cc but I swear to god I looked at this black fa 50 and it just smiled at me so I asked if I could have a black one - he ended up buying me a bright yellow one (swallow) he wanted me to be seen by other drivers - god I rode everywhere on that bike. Happy days ;D My friends use to refer to it as the sewing machine on count of the noise it would make as I rode it up the street, my brother Danny use to call me the loan ranger riding up the driveway on my F&*K ALL (FA) 50
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jul 6, 2008 20:04:02 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jul 13, 2008 13:58:59 GMT 12
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No I had to stop drinking years ago,' the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't w aste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS !' replied the homeless woman ' I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well,' I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jul 14, 2008 18:31:37 GMT 12
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait just a moment!' She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,
'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'
'I sure did,' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it.'
Acknowledgements: Misilon & mystery friend
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jul 15, 2008 15:37:30 GMT 12
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just I HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.' The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, ' You're bullshittin' me! The social worker said, ' Yeah, well . You started it.'
|
|
|
Post by ivyplus on Jul 15, 2008 16:37:43 GMT 12
;D
|
|
|
Post by ivyplus on Jul 15, 2008 16:39:56 GMT 12
I like this version of Elvis Are you lonesome tonight (when Elvis is laughing) I don't really know what the story is behind this song and why the lady is singing and Elvis laughing. Someone told me that she went up to the stage and started singing. www.youtube.com/watch?v=anzKcrHC-6s
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Jul 15, 2008 17:14:12 GMT 12
I like this version of Elvis Are you lonesome tonight (when Elvis is laughing) I don't really know what the story is behind this song and why the lady is singing and Elvis laughing. Someone told me that she went up to the stage and started singing. www.youtube.com/watch?v=anzKcrHC-6sThe lyrics are funny Ivy and the lady singing well uuuum thats just bloody awful - I swear her voice is a semi-quaver out so eeeekkk. I enjoyed watching it very much.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 2, 2008 17:44:48 GMT 12
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 2, 2008 17:46:55 GMT 12
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 2, 2008 17:49:32 GMT 12
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
|
|
|
Post by ivyplus on Aug 3, 2008 9:23:42 GMT 12
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. ;D ;D Adjustment to number 5) or you have forgotten them when asked.
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 11, 2008 1:03:46 GMT 12
Nana - I hope you enjoy the jokes and funny pictures. Miss you kids. Aunty [E]
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 14, 2008 6:13:46 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 28, 2008 23:50:39 GMT 12
|
|
|
Post by certegy on Aug 29, 2008 1:12:26 GMT 12
WEBUY JOKES SECTIONwww.webuy.co.nz/forumtopic.php?topic=493&boardid=5 A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, "Excuthe me, do you have widdle wabbits?" The shop keeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and says, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle Bwown wabbit over there?" The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers... "I don't weally fink my pet pyfon gives a phuk
|
|